Craft a Life that Feels as Good as it Looks
Pinterest. Instagram. We’re inundated with media that is curated, aesthetic, and beautiful.
I’m guilty of it, too. I hit my peak Instagram follower count while living in Kenya, my social feed full of pictures of baby elephants, lions on the savanna, and suns slunk over the horizon, silhouetting the famous baobab trees. This is also when my first marriage hit rock bottom, leading to our divorce just months later. I smiled while trekking through the mountains of Uganda with my husband, then went back to the hotel and curled up alone on my side of the bed, reflexively pulling my body into the protective fetal position. I frolicked on the white sand beaches of Mombasa, then retreated to the beach house where we screamed insults at each other so loudly that the monkeys stopped chattering in the palm trees.
The most beautiful vistas I’ve ever seen were the backdrop to some of the darkest moments of my life.
Fast forward to today, and I’ve reversed the trend. My Instagram count is lower than ever after starting fresh last summer, and my sporadic posting does little to show off the life I’ve curated for myself. A simple photo could never capture the sweetness of falling asleep hand-in-hand with a man who loves me, respects me, and who radiates kindness. A snapshot doesn’t adequately express the way my heart swells when my son snuggles into the crook of my arm, or how I feel when I see both my boys playing together in the backyard.
These little vignettes are the sweetest slices of my life, and I could travel the whole world over and never feel as alive or content as I do in these moments.
But that’s just me.
Which leads me directly into my first rule of crafting a life that feels as good as it looks.
You have to know what a good life means to you.
There are plenty of ideas out there about what constitutes a good life.
Screw ‘em.
What does a good life look like to you? What matters to you? What do you care about? What activities, interests, and pursuits make you come alive? What brings you energy?
You need to get clear on what it is you’re really pursuing, and practice essentialism to focus on achieving just that. Don’t get distracted by other diversions, no matter how bright and shiny they may be.
And that means…
You have to let go of what drains you.
I think we all know the types of things that go on this list. Saying yes when you want to say no. Continuing in toxic friendships or relationships simply because it feels too disruptive to cut ties. Striving for mythical perfectionism.
If it looks great on the outside but is causing you pain, spent energy, or simply not in alignment with the good life you are creating for yourself, it’s time to release it.
Then, work on your relationships.
I don’t care who you are, one thing we all want in our pursuit of a good life is love. Community. To be cared for. To know we matter to someone.
So when it comes time to work on your relationships, be generous. Nurture your friendships. Make time for people. Stop having superficial conversations, and get vulnerable to drive deeper connections. People can’t support you if they don’t know you.
This does not mean subjecting yourself to toxic relationships or unhealthy dynamics. We already talked about letting go of what drains you, remember?
You also need to work on your relationship with yourself. Stop thinking you’re being nice by putting others needs first. It’s not nice; it’s martyrdom and it leads to resentment. Building a life that feels good requires you to have the energy, care, and love you deserve, and all of that comes from you. Make space for rest and pleasure, protect your peace, and learn to set boundaries to have the healthy relationships you need to foster the life you want.
And stop living for the highlight reel.
Life is not about the Instagram-worthy moments. It’s about the small moments that speak to your values. When you’re living a life in alignment with what really matters to you, it’s going to feel good. When you’ve cut out all the crap that is sapping your energy and pulling you down, your life is going to feel good. And when you’ve put in the effort and built a rewarding, supportive, and loving community, your life will feel good. Focusing on these moments of alignment - even if they happen in a messy home, with hair in a messy bun and no makeup on, and toys strewn all over the floor - will make you feel more beautifully curated than any Instagram feed.
Take it from me - I traded picture-perfect safari sunsets for messy, everyday family life - and I love every second of it. I had to let go of some pretty big things and rebuild from the bottom up, but I would argue that my life now feels even better than it looks.
Keep in touch on IG @meghanjaquier.
